Once there was a great sheriff called Rick of a town in the US however he got shot twice in his shoulder whilst he was patrolling the streets; he had got shot by a sniper, no tracks were left by the sly sniper.he had ended up in A and E…
Grrrrrr the unknown creature growled.
Rick was confused, saw flashing lights and he was gaining back his vision as he started to wake up. As he started to walk he saw the hospital was empty and had blood marks saying ‘the end is here’. He was terrified and wondered what had happened however before he could think, he saw dead bodies laying on the floor like they were just killed without any mercy. As he started to wonder out of the hospital, he saw the bullet holes everywhere and rich red blood in what used to be glorious white walls. Everywhere was trashed, the lights were flickering and broken… he approached the shattered windows… he saw a crimson red sky and a completely different world… all was calm. Rick new the end was here.
He was out of the hospital and all he saw was 10000 dead bodies laying there; rick was confused and overwhelmed however he didn’t want to stay to find the people who killed them. He never knew what was going on.
“Huuuuh” exclaimed Rick… he saw… he saw half a human body.. alive!!! It was trying to catch him but it couldn’t as it couldn’t move. He worked out what was going on just then…’ a ZOM-B APOCALYPSE!!’ He had shouted.
He was doomed, he never knew what was going on, he was hopeless and had nothing, nothing….however to keep alive it was him vs the walking dead!!!!!
His first thought was, I need to survive no matter what I do. He had nothing on him so he decided to rob a house. When he entered he was very cautious and didn’t leave any room uninspected, he had found some clothes, a bag, canned food and drinks just enough to keep him alive for one week?, he thought it was all a dream however when he thought logically he knew there was no escape from this world, it was just a loop that you could never escape. As the day went to a close he had to find a place where was safe….
He got an idea….. the prison is safe. He knew the risk of going there but he couldn’t stay in the forest or he’ll be dead so the only option was to stay in the prison for one day, he had to check all of the cells and get the keys to lock his cell. When he reached the prison, he took his pistol and took safety off to be ready for anything. He checked the cells… nothing… he checked the other cells ….. nothing; then he saw an empty corridor, it was strangely silent he thought to himself’ there has to be some sort of zombies but there wasn’t in the whole of the prison, they have to be somewhere….. but where??? What about in the corridor!! He stepped closer and closer to the corridor, his hands started to sweat and clench , he could feel the heaps of adrenaline enter his body, he started trembling…. he was now a few steps away from the corridor… he stepped…. he stepped closer and closer, he was now only one step away, he took the step slowly and steadily..
…. BANG, BANG, BANG!!! He shot but there was nothing there, now all of the zombies noticed and started walking towards him, he ran out of bullets and there was no escape, he knew he would die, he was doomed. Noooo!!! He shouted as the zombies teared away his flesh layer by layer, they all feasted but he was already dead,he accepted his fate and now he was gone…..
Days later he felt alive again… it was like he fell in a deep sleep that he couldn’t come out of but then he did start to wake up… ‘wait waa!!!??! Am I…. no it can’t be…. I am aliveeeee!!???!?!…..he started to regain his eye sight, he didn’t even have a scratch on him, it was all clear to him now, when he was in the hospital the doctors gave a drug to 100 people that were in recovery and the drug was meant to heal himself, now to find the 190 people to save the world..
The end ( my story for Mr murry)
December 6, 2015 at 12:46 pm
You’ve got a good starting point here Camilo but we need to hit a number of targets in order to improve our story and get the genre writing badge:
1) Focus first on describing the setting of your story. Make sure that your reader can see the place the story is happening in their heads.
2) Try not to use too many events in your story and avoid listing things that have happened. You need to describe only the key events to create an image for the reader.
3) Try to avoid too much dialogue between characters. Focus on using speech only when absolutely necessary. Think of other ways you can communicate what they are saying either through body language or their actions.
Keep up the good work.
December 11, 2015 at 5:34 pm
The same targets still apply Camilo! Make sure you read and act on them.
January 3, 2016 at 10:34 am
Really good response to feedback here Camillo, well done.
As part of your next draft working towards your Genre Writing badge, you need to develop the image of the city when he first walks out of the hospital. Try and create a picture of the setting where you give me a a view of the whole street outside the A&E. What can your character see?
Good effort and keep it up.
February 9, 2016 at 9:38 am
I think I should get the genre writing badge because I have written a sifi story so that is my genre and also I’ve used a lot language features for example:short sentences, similes and more… so I think I do deserve the badge but I still think I can improve my writing